Sometimes I get so fucking angry

It's Mother's Day. It's raining. I'm angry.

I'm angry because I feel like I can do nothing right. I'm angry because I feel like I'm constantly being watched and critisized and underminded. I'm angry because I just want everything to be ok. Some days P is great. Most days he's upsetting. I get angry because I don't know how else to deal with it. I want to be happy. My house is a mess. The garden is almost done. There is so much we need to do. We're going to be here another two years. Or maybe longer. Two years until we decide what we're going to buy. Two years to decide the plans for our house. Two years to pay off this house and save up for a down payment. It doesn't even look like we "live" here. We're just staying for a while. Boxes all over. Mess after mess. White walls. We painted the dresser and it looks great but it's still in the living room and now has become a storage shelf.

And now he's bitching that I'm not trying to know what he's talking about. Poles. How am I going to get those poles out the ground. What fucking poles? And like I give a shit. We have a lot more to worry about than some stupid poles.